Aug 06, 2007: Being Head of the House as a Pastor's Husband
Logic test. Given the following:
1) The husband is spiritual leader of the home
2) The pastor is the spiritual leader of a given church
3) The husband is married to the pastor.
Determine the authority structure here.
It seems like a paradox - the pastor is under me, yet she's the authority over the church I attend. It's a big circle.
This has been something I spent a lot of time thinking about. I haven't had any problems in this area, and my wife eagerly submits to my leadership and family decisions. She's cool, and everyone in the church has been cool. As a geek though, I need to have a logically consistent explination of what's going on here.
For a long time I didn't think about it, and just did the Pastor's Husband thing. Lay low, and just be me.
Over the years, I've examined how I've been doing things- trying to find a logical description. Here's what I've concluded. Taking an analogy with my job, suppose the following:
At my job I've got a boss. When I'm at work, he clearly has authority over me.
We meet over lunch. Suddenly, we're equals. I order a club sandwich. He tells me it's going to kill me, and he orders a turkey sandwich. I laugh, for we are social equals. And enjoy my bacon without guilt.
Now, suppose he comes to a BBQ at my house. At the door I politely insist that he take off his shoes. Because it's my house, he complies. I have authority here.
This all comes down to a question of conext.
At home, I'm the head of the house. At church, she's the pastor. It's pretty simple once you boil it down to that.
I hear that this kind of thing happens in other areas. The leadership in our denomination are busy in their roles full time, and can't take on pastoring a church at the same time. Thus when they attend church, they too have an "authority circle". They are the leadership over the pastor, yet they are under the teaching and guidance of the pastor.
So anyway, I feel much better now that I can define what I've been doing all along.
Related Links:
-Pastor's Husband & People who "don't get it"
-Pastor's Husband: People Who Suddenly Act Strange
-What's it like being a Pastor's Husband?
1) The husband is spiritual leader of the home
2) The pastor is the spiritual leader of a given church
3) The husband is married to the pastor.
Determine the authority structure here.
It seems like a paradox - the pastor is under me, yet she's the authority over the church I attend. It's a big circle.
This has been something I spent a lot of time thinking about. I haven't had any problems in this area, and my wife eagerly submits to my leadership and family decisions. She's cool, and everyone in the church has been cool. As a geek though, I need to have a logically consistent explination of what's going on here.
For a long time I didn't think about it, and just did the Pastor's Husband thing. Lay low, and just be me.
Over the years, I've examined how I've been doing things- trying to find a logical description. Here's what I've concluded. Taking an analogy with my job, suppose the following:
At my job I've got a boss. When I'm at work, he clearly has authority over me.
We meet over lunch. Suddenly, we're equals. I order a club sandwich. He tells me it's going to kill me, and he orders a turkey sandwich. I laugh, for we are social equals. And enjoy my bacon without guilt.
Now, suppose he comes to a BBQ at my house. At the door I politely insist that he take off his shoes. Because it's my house, he complies. I have authority here.
This all comes down to a question of conext.
At home, I'm the head of the house. At church, she's the pastor. It's pretty simple once you boil it down to that.
I hear that this kind of thing happens in other areas. The leadership in our denomination are busy in their roles full time, and can't take on pastoring a church at the same time. Thus when they attend church, they too have an "authority circle". They are the leadership over the pastor, yet they are under the teaching and guidance of the pastor.
So anyway, I feel much better now that I can define what I've been doing all along.
Related Links:
-Pastor's Husband & People who "don't get it"
-Pastor's Husband: People Who Suddenly Act Strange
-What's it like being a Pastor's Husband?
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Ted wrote:
Politics and religion - two subjects we only bring up when we need to vent steam.
I do try to tell her "In the corporate world, that would never fly" many times. All she says is "So how many of your co-workers are volunteering?".
{sigh}