Today at work I got a call from my 3 year old. OK, he pestered my wife until she called, but she handed over the phone and my eldest said "Daddy, I want a hair cut."

This started because yesterday I told him that we'd get a father & son hair cut after church. Well, as Sundays are prone to do, the day got full. Life happens, and so on the phone I told him we'd do it tonight. I made the appointment, so odds are I'll keep my word this time.

This got me thinking: what about the times I deliberately lie to, or deceive my toddler. Is this OK?

Before your knee jerks one way or the other, try these scenarios with a 1 or 2 year old:

-The kid is playing outside, and crawls to daddy with an "owie" on his elbow. I kiss his elbow it to make it better.

-Repeat, only with a bigger owie. No blood, no scrape, just a bump. Kiss isn't working. I put on a bandaid, and now it's all better.

-It's almost bed time, and the kid wants a sip of Pepsi. I show him the nearby empty can, and tell "Pepsi is all gone"- and conceal my own half-full can.

-The kid is in the middle of an emotional meltdown, because a toy is "broken". (For a geek kid, this is the worst trauma possible). I take the toy, and say "daddy will fix it". All is now well, the kid is happy. In this case, I define "fix" as throwing it away.

-The kid is eating some gummy fruit-snacks (with 5% nutritional redeeming value!). He drops one into a place when it is forever out of reach. There is great trauma as he wants it back. I give him a replacement, and he still wants the original one back. I palm a replacement and feign retreiving it, and kid is happy.

In my mind, this all started with my inability to communicate the fuller truth to him. He couldn't understand the difference between "your can is empty" and "my can is empty". He certainly can't understand the placebo effect in relation to pain, and that a kiss to the elbow does nothing.

I'm pretty sure that with a little effort on my part, I could now communicate the truth to him. This has been happening slowly over time, so there's been no clear line here. "Stuck" and "Daddy can't get it" are concepts that he currently can comprehend. Recently I've been convicted about this issue (i.e. God's been telling me to "stop that"), because while I could go through this extra effort and resulting toddler tantrums - it's easier not to. Even as I write this, I'm feeling rather ashamed for falling into this laziness trap.

I know that when dealing with adults, telling them a lie because the truth is too unpleasant isn't an acceptable excuse. Why should it be any different with kids?

I've decided to communicate with kid #2 differently from square one. Though right now he's saying only "ggggaaaaaaaaaahhh", I want to avoid this trap with him.

(This posting was featured in the "Find Religion" blog carnival)

Related links:
-Executive Clip Shop, Jackson MI
-How to tell if your 2 year old is a geek
-Lunar Eclipse Fun - Scheduling geek time with my kids
-Pastor's Husband: Our Strange Schedule